There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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