wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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