Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
