I just made out with a guy for $7.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
