Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
