from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
