He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
