VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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