Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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