I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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