I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
