I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
