Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
