i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
