Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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