i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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