His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
