so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
