dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
