My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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