it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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