I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
