A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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