Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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