3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
