Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
