He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
