I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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