Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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