yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
