I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
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Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
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I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize