So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
