I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
