someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I've blown a few things in my day
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
