We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
