What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
