Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
