YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
