youre lurking in front of me
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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