I hate your face
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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