She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
