Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
