Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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