Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
