everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
