Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
