just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
