I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My vagina just clenched in fear
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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