She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
