By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
