All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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