I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
why do cheetos always look like penises
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
