I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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