last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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