Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
