So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
