True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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