You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
