I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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