Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
