you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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