so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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