YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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