There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
