His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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