Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
