Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
